Memories Of My Father
by VendettaAndGrudge
Summary: After the Cell Games, Gohan is left with conflicting feelings toward his father. The thin line between love and hate is blurred. Will pondering the memories of his past bring him joy? Or will it only bring him anger? One shot.


Son Gohan sat on the steps of his great-grandfather's house on Paozu Mountain, where he often went for solitude. It had been a week since the end of the Cell Games. A week since his father died. The boy stood and brushed a fallen feather from his wild black hair. Slowly and silently, he walked over to the rushing stream behind the dilapidated shack.

"You were the greatest guy on Earth, Dad," Gohan choked, splashing the water with his left hand. "There'll never be another like you."

Gohan knew well how amazing the god of a man called Son Goku truly was. A strong, brave, merciful, and kind warrior with a pure heart is not easily found. Then why? Why did Gohan have such mixed feelings about his father? Goku was a hero. But heroes never rest. He would leave his wife and son for months at a time to go off and train. He always meant well, but his salt-of-the-earth ways were not well-liked by his wife. Even when Goku was at home, Gohan's mother, Chichi, would never let the father and son spend much time together out of fear that Gohan would abandon his studies for a life of crime fighting and martial arts, just as Goku had years ago.

In the stream, a sliver fish tried to swim against the current. Though it was pushed back many times, it eventually learned how to endure the repelling force and fight its way up the river. Gohan smiled faintly. It must have incredible willpower.

The water moved too fast for the boy to see his reflection. He sighed and lowered his hand into the flow. Goosebumps ran up his already-muscular arms as he reminisced.

"Do you remember when we would go fishing, Dad? And I could never catch anything, but you would haul in a fish big enough to be three nights' dinner? Remember how much fun we had?"

Gohan inhaled deeply and ran a hand through his black hair. It stayed down for a minute, but stood back up in the exact same shape it had taken before.

"How about when Mom would drag us to the mall and you would take me to the toy store while she was clothes shopping? Remember all the stupid, unnecessary stuff I wanted when I was little? And remember how you always got it for me, even though I didn't need it?"

Gohan covered his face with his hands as a feeling of both contentment and anger began to sweep over him.

"And do you remember when you went off to train with Piccolo and Krillin for four months and Mom wouldn't let me go with you? Do you know how angry I was at her for not letting me go? Do you know how angry I was at you for leaving and missing my elementary school graduation? And do you know that I'm still angry?"

A large hawk cried out shrilly in the distance. The blue sky was beginning to turn pink and the clouds were parting as the sun tried to hide behind the planet's curves. The boy reached into his pocket and withdrew the heirloom four-star dragonball Goku had given to him as a child.

"Dad…" Gohan whispered, curling his hand into a tight fist. "Mom is pregnant…"

Gohan swallowed hard, trying not to let tears of frustration flow. He turned his back to the stream and fingered a blade of green grass from the moist surface.

"Do you see what you did, Dad? What your noble decision to sacrifice your life is going to do? What were your last words to me? 'Take care of your mother. I love you both very much'?" The warrior's son inhaled sharply, trying not to choke over his sentences.

"Does 'I love you' compensate for having you around? Does it give Mom a husband? Is that stupid phrase a substitute for my little brother or sister's father? It doesn't, and it isn't!"

Gohan balled his fists and began to yell. The birds that had been perched on the roof of the small mountain house flew away abruptly as the young teenager's body began to shake with emotion.

"Mom is so depressed that you won't be there to help raise it that she might not even keep the baby! She's been locked up in her room for days! She won't even talk to me! Look what you did, Dad! Just look at this mess you made!"

Calming down slightly, the boy plucked a handful of grass from the ground and twirled it between his thumb and forefinger. "I know you died to protect us, Dad, but you died in vain. Cell came back. I defeated him, and I could have done it even if you were alive. But soon… soon you might be seeing your unborn son or daughter in Heaven. And it's your own fault."

The tears began to stream down the boy's face. He brushed them away with his sleeve, but new tears kept flowing.

"But the worst part is that I don't know how I feel about you anymore, Dad. I don't know whether I love you or whether I hate you."

Gohan stopped crying and locked the door to the house his father was raised in, vowing never to return. He didn't know why, but he could no longer refer to Goku as "Dad." Doing so just made him feel sick inside.

Son Gohan picked up the four-star dragonball. He held it for a moment, feeling the stone's coolness in his palm. Then, without a second thought, he threw it into the river with all of his might, watching emotionlessly as it was carried away by the current.

"Goodbye, Goku."


End file.
